Prove

So I've had something on my mind a lot lately and last ngiht while I was sitting in my car in the Church parking lot, I started thinking about it again. It came to me after hearing a song on a christian radio station.
Three people inparticular (I'm not giving off any names) were friends of mine. There were a few times before when I questioned why they would do things to me the way they would and when I'd talk to them about how I felt, the response I would always get was "well that's just the way we are". I accepted it because I am uncomfortable with conflict and I thought I could just deal with it.... Now it's one thing to play tricks on people but when you linger them out over a periodof time it's not really a joke anymore and I don't find it funny at all. They'd do this to me so many times and I'd usually just sit there & stay quiet the rest of the time we were together(either that or go home).
But the main thing that hurts so bad is that they would want me to prove things to them. It's as if I wasn't good enough and they wanted me to be a better person than I was. I have an instance that happened but I'm not sharing it on here - if you want to know I'll tell you what happened in a message or something.

Having felt that I had to be someone better and prove it by doing certain things I feel like I have to prove I'm a good person to God and that if I make a mistake, he's mad at me.

I'm just sick & tired of feeling I have to prove everything to them and be better...I'm not perfect and I never will be. I'm just sorry I acted the way I did this summer. The way I handled it wasn't the best.

I know I won't feel like this forever and to get rid of it I need to forgive them - it's just really hard and I'm praying for the strength to forgive them.

I talked about this to a very important friend of mine and she told me that going through things like this will only make you a stronger person in the end. I appreciate it and I'm glad she was there to listen. =)