Break Down

Have you ever had one of those times when you just break down and scream/cry?
I had that moment last night after choir practice.
To start off I should mention that a couple of months ago a guy from church was having a conversation with me. During that conversatition he told me I'm going to have an impact on people and do great things in this world - that I'm going to be like another Fr. Dan.
Then a few nights ago I had a dream that my grandma was in.
In the dream my mom was in it and there were people in the background (not sure if they were members of my family but maybe). The setting of my dream was sort of like at a viewing where a picture board is set up with the person who passed away. My mom happened to point out a picture of me on my Grandma's lap.
She also pointed out that it was the only picture of her and a grandchild up there. Then my mom walked out of the room and my grandma appeared (as she looked before she was sick and in the hospital) and had something important to tell me. She said, "A grandmother knows her grandchildren the instant they are born. She made sure to emphasize the word "knows". Then she said "You are destined to do many great things." And my dream was over.
I got up the next morning and happened to look in all my alubms because the picture looked familiar. I found it in the last one I flipped thru:


I was talking to one of the women in choir and asked her if she thinks dreams have meanings and she said yes that some do but it's up to you to figure out which ones do and what the meaning is.

Well when I got in my car to leave after practice I had the radio on to 96.9 pulse fm and the song that was playing was a new one to me but the first line in it was Sometimes Your calling comes in dream. The rest of the song tied in with everything too but when I heard that first line I felt God was speaking to me.



After that song I heard this song (only the Rebecca St James version). When my grandma was in the hospital I played this song for her (it was on my phone). She looked so relaxed and calm even though she was hooked up to different machines. All we could hear was the "drip, drip" of the liquid that was in these bags (i have no idea what it was for) and it sort of sounded like the holy water font at St. Pius.



After hearing both those songs in a row I just completely lost it and had a panic attack. At first I just started yelling as if I were in pain and mad at something and then I completely broke down and cried - that lasted for an hour (and yes I just sat in my car at the church parking lot). I finally called my mom's cousin, Penny, which extremely helped! She talked me thru it and prayed over the phone (Thanks again!).

--> I know I'm gonna need to get it out again because the one year anniversary is coming up soon.

Father Bob's 1 year

Today is Father Bob's 1 year anniversary as a priest - Congrats!!!
We need more awesome, energetic, reverent priests like him. =]

Life has changed

I was just reflecting on where I was a year ago! Things sure have changed - mostly for the good. To start off -- I saw how the mistakes I made really had an affect on important people in my life! We went though a process of finding ourselves which included 10 months of not speaking to each other.

This was how I felt at the beginning:



This is how I started feeling after getting to know the wonderful and inspirational people from work (at University Outfitters who by the way all happened to be Catholic), RCIA, and choir. After talking and spending time with my friend (Ruth) I learned a few things and got some awesome advice.
One of the best things to happen for me was making the choice to join Queen of Peace (things just kept falling into place for me and I felt that I belonged there).
I realized I wanted/needed to change my ways to live close to Jesus and really appreciate what I have/had.My experience of being around friends who really cared about my soul (as in the song) who are genuine, good people, strong in the Catholic faith was and is very uplifting. I know I'm not on this journey in life alone!



I'm thankful for all my wonderful family and friends - those from the Philly and those from Church! You truly never know what blessings God has given you until it's gone and I'm thankful for the gift of friendship I was able to receive again. I'm also sorry for the mistakes I made that hurt that one person I care about

Lasagna Dinner and Hockey Game

Tonight was the Lasagna Dinner (which I think went pretty well). Bethany and Tom ended up coming towards the end so I sat with them while they ate. Then the three of us went to the hockey game (fyi ND won) - here are pictures:

Tom decided to put bread over his nose


Goofy picture of Bethany and Tom


Goofy picture of Bethany and me


Tom and Bethany


Bethany and me


Tom's attempt to get all three of us in

Divine Intervention

I just had something happen that I think was meant to happen for a reason --> talk about Divine Intervention!
I had a conversation with someone on AIM and her words really helped me and were what I needed to know to help give some closure.
What she said touched and comforted me in ways I don't think she will ever know!

Stormer Family's visit

This weekend was fun! My cousin Amber , her husband Chris, and their girls came for a visit. It was fun having them over!
Saturday morning my mom and I went on the walk for Breast Cancer Awareness. While we did that my dad took Chris, Amber, and the girls to Notre Dame and to see where Great Grandpa Robertson lived.
Amber and Marisa came to Mass with my mom on Sunday to see me in the choir. Pretty cool! Here are pictures from their visit:

Chris, Julia, and Marisa


Marisa and her Caillou doll


Amber and Julia


Julia


Chris and Amber


Marisa, me, and Dad eating ice cream

Julia crawling (1)


Julia crawling (2)


Chris, Marisa, Amber, and Julia


Marisa at our house


Chris, Julia, and Dad eating breakfast


Me and Marisa


Mom, Marisa, and Amber

Text from a good friend

So I got this awesome text message from a good friend of mine. - "THIS MADE ME THINK OF YOU: "The bonds we make in our youth are everlasting. They are patterned into the fabric of our lives. Time shifts, looks change, and much is left behind as we move along. But there are bits and pieces of our past that follow us through in life. Just like the woven threads of a tapestry that are integral to its design, friends from our childhood will continue to appear and reappear in our hearts and in our lives, because the bonds of youth remain."

East to West

Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
In your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight

I know you've cast my sins as far
As the East is from the West
And I stand before you now
As though I've never sinned but today
I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way

Jesus can you show me
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again
Your truth is drowned by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
From you leaving me this way

Jesus can you show me
Just how far the East is from the West
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

I know you've washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel
But by the truth your word reveals
I'm not holding onto you
But you're holding onto me
Your're holding me

Jesus you know
Just how far the East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
(The arms of your mercy I find rest)
Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

......